Power of the Atonement

Feel inspired to share this. I have been trying to understand the atonement better than do because I am not sure what it feels like to receive help and healing. This was timely for me.

Written by Jenn Alexander Mcmurdo:
I was just reading through some of my writings today and came across this. Those of you who know me, you know that teaching and speaking on the Power of the Atonement is one of my passions.

"There is a gift that we have all been given, this gift sets us free to learn and to grow and to overcome the hardships of this life. It is the gift that Jesus gave his life for, he is the gift. He gave himself a sacrifice for sin, so that if we would repent and come to him, we would be saved. We are saved from the blood and the sins of this world and generation, saved from our weak selves, if we will turn to him and ask for his guidance and light.  Jesus is Love, his Love is ever encompassing and forever healing, when we come to him and tap into his infinite love then that is when true change and healing begins.  People ask me how I have overcome so many challenges and how I am now overcoming depression….the truth is this… Jesus has helped me every step of the way because I have always cried out to him and he has brought tools and people and experiences to help me.  It is in my darkest hours though that I turn to him with all the energy of my heart and soul and cry out for relief and understanding, and he is always there.  So many of us walk around thinking that our choices change our worth, or that because of unwise choices and mistakes that we must continually punish ourselves because we don’t deserve to be forgiven, this is so not true, it is a bold face lie actually. Because Christ took our pain upon him and bled from every pore because of it, because he bore the full weight of our pain, paid the full price willingly, we are free if we will but turn to him for love and direction. He gave us that gift so that we would not have to be enslaved by the pain and carry it with us, he also did this so he could walk by our sides and be an advocate for us.  This is why HE can be called, our personal savior.
I believe that most of us have witnessed the power of God's love in our life, I know of no other way it is manifest more strongly than in the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ.  I have spent so much time pondering on this great act of love and service on our behalf, and have spent days and nights on my knees asking for the power in the Atonement to help me daily overcome my weaknesses. I have been impressed with thoughts and idea's that have changed the way I go about doing things."

Every day I thank God for His Beloved Son, My Savior and King, and for the gift and power of the Atonement in our lives."

Archetypes Series- My first house: Messiah

First House: Personality, Ego: the face you present to the outside world--Messiah

The Messiah archetype is all about feeling power from above and feeling a divine mission. In its positive aspect, it can manifest as a drive to accomplish God’s plan for you. In its negative aspect, it can manifest in a “Messianic complex” (becoming psychotic about whatever is perceived as the divine mission), or otherwise becoming obsessive about one’s spiritual purpose.

In what ways do you present yourself as a Messiah to the world? In what ways do you see yourself as being driven to accomplish God’s plan for you?

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1. My first thought was that yes this is me. I feel that perhaps this archetype may be in a more of a shadow aspect right now. I feel as if my messiah complex may be off-putting to some people. Perhaps my passion and devotion to my "mission" is a bit psychotic. I think it is because I haven't really discovered what that divine mission is. I sense that I have a mission - but I tend to take that passion for the mission that I have and throw it into whatever I believe in at the time. Not necessarily in what my divine mission is. So I become overly obsessed with certain things that I shouldn't necessarily be obsessed with. I think that sometimes I can be a bit obsessive towards this spiritual purpose but not in a good way. I obsess in all the wrong directions. All the directions *I* think I should go in --- not the one God would have me go. I need to be more in tune with the spirit so that I can reign in this desire and turn it into a positive one.

Shadow Aspect:

"In media, the Messianic Archetype is a character whose role in the story (but not necessarily personality) echoes that of Christ. They are portrayed as a savior, whether the thing they are saving is a person, a lot of people or the whole of humanity. They endure a sizable sacrifice as the means of bringing that salvation about for others, a fate they do not deserve up to and including death or a Fate Worse Than Death. Other elements may be mixed and matched as required but the Messianic Archetype will include one or more of them, not limited to: being the Chosen One, gaining a group of devoted followers, being betrayed by one of these followers, persecution by non-believers."

 Wow. Upon reflection I realize that I do have this complex to a degree. It is a bit frightening to think that I have the tendency to portray myself as a savior for humanity. Sounds pretty prideful.

I realize I do have a lot of pride issues I need to work through. Many that I have written off over the years. It is sometimes hard to know if i'm doing something out of pride (thinking myself better than others, on a more righteous path) or if i'm doing it becuase it is what God wants me to do. The thing I need to be careful of is the way I go about fulfilling whatever mission it is God has for me. The key I think is stripping myself of pride. Doing things for the motive of glorifying God, not for the persuit of glorifying my own self or making myself feel more important than I really am. Sometimes I do things because I want to show people how spiritual I am or how knowledgeable or wise I am - thinking I am going to "save humanity" if I do something. Perhaps this may show up in my political nature. I tend to become obsessive over whatever I believe is the "right" candidate or the "wrong" one. I realize that it is off putting and really doesn't make a difference to prove something right or wrong.

The other half of me feels as though I do make a difference though. My insights and ideas do inspire people to change their ways. I suppose it is what and how I do it that makes the difference. Also what am I inspired by? Love? Charity? Desire to serve and uplift? Or is my motive to exalt myself and put myself above other people/make me feel like I am the only right one?

I think my example does bless others. I need to figure out how to live my life in such a way that I can be that good example. Not be someone who pushes people from the light but  draws them in to it. My divine mission really is to help humanity come to Christ but I need to do so in a way that is not shaming or does not intimidate or overwhelm people. Key= Make charity my main motive. Stay close to the spirit. Ask God what he would have me do.

I can't help but wonder -- is this really the face I want to present to the outside world? Is this the best way to go about saving humanity? By appearing unto others as the Messiah? I pondered that for a bit. I suppose no - in it's negative aspect it would be the worst face to present to the outside world. BUT wouldn't it be the BEST face to present to the outside world in it's positive aspect??

I want to be just like him.

Think about it. Who was Christ? Doesn't he ask us all to be like him? The real Messiah does not have one ounce of pride, does not exalt himself, does not seek approval, does not care about looks, does not desire anything but to love and serve other people. If I can have a face like that - one that shines with true and genuine love for others - that would be the best face of all to wear.

I suppose Christ is my alter ego. Why wouldn't he be? He is the one I want to emulate. I suppose my premortal self chose "messiah" because of my love for him. Because I believed in him and I wanted to be just like him. Isn't it awesome to know that I loved him that much?

Of coarse Satan knows this and tries to work my strengths against me.  He knows my potential - he wants to manipulate me into turning my potential into unused potential. He wants to prevent me from being that person who can help others come unto Christ and be healed.

PLUS, Christ was the master healer. I would love to do as he did and be a follower in his footsteps to heal the hearts of people. My heart is in it. I know that my unconscious (my 12th house) is the sabateour and I have yet to learn how to overcome him. I know it wants to sabotage all my good efforts in EVERY house! No wonder I feel incapable at times. I need to pray for help so that I can rise to my potential.

Everyone deserves a santuary

How do I make our home a safe place? How do I bring more peace into my home? How can I make my home a place I want to come home to every time I leave? These are questions I have been pondering lately. If I just had more money, I keep thinking, we could have these things. I could afford paintings, decorations and furniture that would reflect my personal style and energy. I would feel more at peace if I just had this, and that...

Peaceful...

 I know we'd all prefer to have our dream home. But finding the "right" home doesn't mean we have to break the bank. "Right" is anything that has good energy. It is anything that reflects light and love back to you. It is a home that has been built upon a good foundation: A home built with care, love, and intention. Preferably a home previously inhabited by good people, with good & healthy practices.

Chosing a home is one of the most important desicions you can make for your emotional and mental and physical well being. You wouldn't think it, but having high standards for what you will and wont accept in a home is just as important as the standards have for choosing a marriage partner. No it wont be perfect, but in general it has good energy and will flow with you - not against you. Sure there will be moments when you will wish you had a "nicer home" with this or that amenity, an extra room, etc. But overall you know that you are in the right place and you make it work.

These are things I have learned along the way. These are things about a home that can either add to your energy reserves, or will slowly drain you. If your energy doesn't flow well with the layout and the enviornment it will be much harder to feel at peace in your home. 

This isn't something I knew much of, nor did I think much about until I had children. Having children helps you to recognize "good and bad" energy. Perhaps it is Mother instinct, but it is human nature to want the best for your children. You want them to feel safe, secure, and at home.

"When can I get out of here?!" was the way I felt in the two homes previous to this one. Finding peace at home was even more difficult upon the arrival of my first child. For whatever reason the house just seemed to take without giving back. All the cleaning in the world didn't change the feeling. There seemed to be a negative imprint in these homes -- perhaps left by previous tenants.

One thing i've learned is that SMELL is everything, it has the most powerful effect on the mind. Our first home smelled like ciggarette smoke. I niavely thought that if we moved in we could easily get rid of it. All it needed was some airing out. Wrong. It never did seem to go away.

The second home we lived in had an old musty smell to it that never seemed to dissipate. It could have been the moldy, leaky basement. It could have been the drains in the sink. It could have just been the age. Either way the house didn't flow well with my energy and it didn't seem to want me there either.

Pay attention to things that may make your life more difficult. Don't worry about what you don't have, necessarily. Just go through the home and think about what may not work well with your family. Layout, lack of space, lighting, space in unnecessary places, the smell, the sounds, etc. Is it warm and inviting or cold and tiring? 

Sanctuary Room

The other week I was pondering over prayer. I was trying to figure out why it was so hard to do the things I know I needed to do every day?

The thought came to me that I needed to give myself space to do these things. I have crowded my life too tightly around things that are really not important. Moreover, I didn't feel like I had a space in my life that was "set apart" just for me to call my own. I recognize that I needed to create a empty space with just the necessities so that I could focus on doing the necessities.

We have a second bedroom that probably wont be used for a good year or so. Baby number 2 probably wont need his own room for a while since he will be chilling in a bassinet. for the first few months of life.

I decided to set the room apart. I cleared out all of Isabel's toys. She doesn't need 2 rooms for all her stuff, afterall. I left some things in there. I put a bench in there and set a picture of Jesus on it. I set my scriptures and hymn book on it. I then put some speakers in there so that I could connect it to my iPod for listening to music. I put Isabel's bean bag in there, her books, and that is pretty much all right now. I hope to put a couch or chair in there and a rug. A few sacred pictures of the temple or of Jesus. A plant. A bookcase. And some journals. I think that would call it good.

I have used it so far a few times, and I already feel like Isabel is starting to get a sense of the "sacred" more than she has in the past. She recognizes that it is a room set apart for doing sacred things like praying, singing, and reading scriptures and learning the higher arts. Even if we have to rearrange it and move it somewhere else in the future, or make it a part of the living room, I know I will always incorperate the space into our lives. I will literally fit the sacred into my life, and into my family.

 I want "sanctuary" to be part of our family's vocabulary.

I think it is so important for families to have a quiet place to rest their heads and to just be, and to remember that God is the center of our homes and lives. "Be still and know".

Peace will be taken from the earth, if it hasn't already, and where does that leave us? We need to establish a place of peace in our lives. We can't be dependent on others to bring it to us. It's something we have to create and then we can bring that peace to those in need around us.

<3

Letter to God

Letter to God

I feel so down and low.
I feel like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to rise above.
I give up.
I give up trying to force the act. I give up trying to be an unrealistic version of me. A leader. A teacher.
I am not these things.

How can I be?
I am struggling to rise above these feelings and fears. I know I need more faith. I am trying. But the load feels too heavy.
What am I doing wrong Heavenly Father? What do you need me to do. How do I break free of these blocks and weaknesses...

I'm tired of myself.. I am so tired of never moving forward and of hitting this wall over and over. I can't climb it!!! 

I can't do this! I just can't!! I wish I had faith, I wish I had courage. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I seriously am sorry. I want to be your disciple so bad. I have such a strong passion and love of the gospel. But when I go to live it jt is like my heart is encased in stone. I cannot connect . I don't want to be a victim. But I really don't want to go through the hassle and pain of having to teach lesson that is a train wreck. Yes. A train wreck!!! I can't do this! I am worse at teaching than these girls are. Forget it. Im just never going to be sue white. I am never going to be a sister Morris, Anderson, or Edgeworth. I am not the leader I need to be or that these girls need me to be. I know I am just a huge disappointment to everyone. I know you know I can be better. I am sure I could be but I am struggling for help and I am receiving so little help. I try to be positive and hopefully but I constantly disappoint myself. And am just a burden on others. 

Please help me!
Please see me in my weakness and lift me up. I need your help so badly and I never get any. I feel bad for saying that. I am sorry for my selfishness. I am sorry for all my issues and my millions of flaws but I give up. Please have compassion on me....the most needy, weak, helpless, loneliest, most pathetic of all your children. Even more than those with special needs. Even they are able to rise above their shortcomings. Or at least have a positive additude. I can't even do that. I just give up and I put in the red flag I don't have what it takes to fulfil this calling. I am so drained and I can barely take care of myself let alone these girls. I know other women make it work some how and miraculously have it all together but I don't!!! Why?? I am not certain. I'm broken. 

I don't even get the atonement. I don't get how I'm supposed to come unto you and it be so simple. I don't get it! I don't get how it so simple?? I never receive any feelings or any dreams or visions or warm fuzzies. I can barely concentrate during sacrament even though I try... I never feel I get anything out of it. I want to come unto you so badly but it's like a dead end in my mind. I just don't get how to do it. Forgive me....I am weak and simple. I am so selfish and pitiful and self consumed. I wish I was more like those I look up to. I am just tired. Just so so so so tired . please give me a break or breakthrough ....I want to progress so badly...  But I know that subconsciously I sabatoge any and all good things that come to me. WHY!! :'( 

I don't mean to. I don't want to. It just happens. I don't have the strength to be in the spotlight and to take leadership and to be the desicion maker. I don't have the mental capacity to do so. I am not an extrovert. I am an introvert in an extrovert world. Where do I fit in in this church and in your kingdom?? I don't feel I belong anywhere. :'( 

Please heavenly Father help me.... I need a miracle. I need to find rest. I need to drink the cool waters and find my soul satisfied. I need to take care of my needs. I hope there's room for self care in the kingdom.

Please forgive me
..